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Somebody wrote within the different day, “One must be a idiot to learn ur blogs (sic), and pay the premium. You have got mastered learn how to con…”
This was the complete message and it was an e-mail despatched to the os.me assist workforce however a few times a 12 months, I login randomly to verify if numerous groups are responsive and courteous in writing again to our customers. And so it was, by sheer probability, I got here throughout this e-mail.
It was a tad disturbing to learn that e-mail as a result of I assumed, how may somebody, in mere two traces, beset their discourse with such grammatical oversights, punctuational lapses, and deficiencies in expression? The final malformed sentence merely couldn’t be terminated with an ellipsis however he did precisely that. For a second, I felt unhealthy for an additional cause too: this particular person was calling you, my expensive reader, a idiot. I’ve all the time held a a lot larger opinion of you and the way come he allowed this doubt to creep into my in any other case satisfied thoughts. However then once more, I additionally learn my very own posts, so that you and I are in the identical boat.
Humor apart, it obtained me pondering that why don’t we really feel the identical approach about criticism as we do about reward. It feels good when somebody praises us, proper? Is it as a result of we’re narcissistic or egotistic megalomaniacs that we will’t hear sufficient of our glories? Not fairly. In reality, it has hardly something to do with the evolution of human thought. Not less than, not to start with. For, inside moments of being hit with criticism, we’re ruled by our instincts. Our knowledge helps us in processing that criticism calmly, it aids us in being conscious about our response and so forth. However, it doesn’t dictate our visceral response to any new info.
The reality is that we’re nearly hardwired to really feel elated upon listening to our reward. Neuroscientists have discovered that the identical area in our mind lights up upon getting a praise because it does after we obtain a financial reward.
In different phrases, neuroscientifically talking, paise = reward = paise.
That explains why quite a few instances we put social rewards above monetary ones, eg, flashy merchandise or headlines that may get you extra consideration. Or the phenomenon of TikTok the place there was not a dime to be made for the longest whereas nor any significant knowledge however the creators obtained huge social validation and compliments. I’m not suggesting it’s proper or flawed. You might be free to decide on. Whether or not it’s wealth, standing, fame, liberation or anything you want to pursue, you be your individual guru. The difficulty with social validation, nevertheless, is the fickle nature of reward, or as I wish to name it — the paradox of reward.
The exceptional saint-philosopher Sri Aurobindo was as soon as invited to an elite gathering the place the host praised him profusely. Many within the crowd joined in too. Sri Aurobindo, nevertheless, didn’t appear happy in any respect.
“I’m slightly frightened,” he mentioned upon inquiry. “How will I deal with the scenario when this reward will flip into criticism at some point? That’s as a result of I used to be Aurobindo earlier. I’m Aurobindo now. I’ll be the identical tomorrow too. However, the gang received’t be the identical. It is going to be a unique set of people that might or might not perceive me. So the slightest of reward worries me.”
That’s why I name it the paradox. To earn reward, you’ve obtained to have one thing that the world cares about. You will need to have the ability to give one thing that the world locations a sure worth on. Listening to proper reward boosts your sense of self-worth however quickly your mind desires extra. Now, to earn extra reward, it’s a must to do extra of what the world desires which is unlikely to align together with your rules. The extra reward is heaped on you, the tougher your mind aspires for extra. It’s by no means sufficient. And the paradox is that to earn reward you could end up doing issues that aren’t praiseworthy in any respect. You may be the identical particular person however the crowd will change. And as they modify, you’ll need to alter to maintain up with them. Glories will flip into gaalis (cussing). It’s a vicious cycle.
Therefore, it pays to by no means let any reward get to your head. Apart from, nobody praises us for who we actually are however for the idealized picture they’ve of us of their thoughts. The second that picture modifications, their reward will flip into criticism. The excellent news is that if you happen to be taught to handle any type of loss, you change into higher at dealing with criticism too (and vice-versa, in fact).
Somebody who takes a small financial loss to coronary heart might be equally devastated on the tiniest of criticism. No marvel, Krishna instructed Arjuna {that a} true yogi is somebody who has conquered his thoughts, somebody who has realized the ephemeral nature of this world, and the ever transient and elusive methods of all human feelings. Such a yogi stays unaffected by the altering colours of this life.
जितात्मन: प्रशान्तस्य परमात्मा समाहित: ।
शीतोष्णसुखदु:खेषु तथा मानापमानयो: ॥
jitātmanaḥ praśāntasya paramātmā samāhitaḥ,
śītoṣṇa-sukha-duḥkheṣu tathā mānāpamānayoḥ. (BG 6.7)
The one who has conquered the thoughts, his consciousness is already merged within the Supersoul, for he has attained tranquillity. To such a person happiness and misery, warmth and chilly, honor and dishonor are all the identical.
Conquering the thoughts doesn’t imply that you’ll begin loving criticism, by the way in which. It merely signifies that you’ll not crave social validation or reward and I can not even start to let you know how liberating that’s. Fact be instructed, true contentment is unattainable with out being okay with the place you’re emotionally, intellectually, and financially. It’s when you find yourself in sync, in concord with all three, do you actually really feel that you’ve conquered your thoughts.
Whereas an expression of gratitude by somebody will be, and infrequently is, real, after they reward you unctuously, nevertheless, you could need to step again for a second and replicate on the worth you’ll pay to reside as much as that reward. Any fragrance is greatest sprayed in little portions. The extra you spray, the extra desensitized you change into in direction of its perfume. It then loses its appeal, its goal. Identical is the paradox of reward, don’t get used to it. Reflecting on the impermanent nature of the whole lot round you goes a great distance in constructing the mindfulness that nothing is price clinging to.
Someplace consider reward as charity. That’s, greatest to present far more than you’re taking. When somebody does even a little bit good, praise them, reward them to your coronary heart’s content material. And when you find yourself on the receiving finish of reward, take little or no. Don’t simply take it with a pinch of salt, take it not more than a pinch of salt. This may result in large internal freedom.
Now you select, what’s extra essential to you: admiration or emancipation?
Peace.Swami (Hum aapke hain con, err, kaun, I meant.)P.S. See you on the upcoming ashram occasions beginning 24-Feb, all of which might be transmitted reside on os.me/reside
A GOOD STORY
There have been 4 members in a family. All people, Someone, Anyone and No person. A invoice was overdue. All people thought Someone would do it. Anyone may have carried out it however No person did it. Do not go away empty-handed, contemplate contributing.
It is a good factor to do at present.
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